Answers:

1. Smurfs 3-D. Real. Yes, the little blue guys will be back summer 2010. The people working on it describe it as similar to Shrek in regards to its character design and immersive fantasy environment, which might not be that bad: The Smurfs have the kind of roundish, cartoony features that translate well to three dimensions, and they don’t have any fur for animators to mess up. I’m just hoping the movie won’t also go the Shrek route in terms of relentless pop-culture references and gross-out humor.

2. Marmaduke. Real, *sigh*. What’s next, a film based on Mary Worth? Or, Zeus help us, The Family Circus?

3. Strawberry Shortcake’s Berry Big Movie. Fake. Most of the retread movies are based on boys’ toys (G.I. Joe, Transformers) or stuff that’s pretty gender-neutral (Garfield). But Strawberry and her pals did return to toy stores a few years back, so now Gen Xers can buy them, uh, for their own kids.

Cafe Ole at her kick wheel

But, if the Strawberry fandom on the Internet is any indication, maybe this is one property Hollywood should jump on. There’s a whole horde of avid, borderline-crazy Strawberry collectors out there who can identify the minute differences between a 1983 and a 1984 Raspberry Tart — and tell you why one goes for $40 more than the other on eBay. Oh, and they’re also ticked off that the new incarnation of the doll is called Raspberry Torte.

I thought they were kinda nuts, until I saw the Deluxe Figurine of Cafe Ole. She comes with a kick wheel that turns and a pot!

4. ALF. Fake. But it’s only a matter of time. ALF, as I recall, was kind of crude and smartmouthed — which was why I wasn’t allowed to watch him back in the day — which would seem to make him a perfect fit for today’s movies: no revamping necessary!

5. Stretch Armstrong. Real! And it will star Jackie Chan! How they’re going to make a movie out of a toy that never had much of a backstory anyway is beyond me, but I’m sure the CrapMatic 5000 can spew out a script for them.

6. Goonies 2: Secret of the Silver Skull. Fake. Fans have been asking for a sequel to The Goonies for some time, and the idea gets kicked around Hollywood every year or two, but, so far, it hasn’t come to light. There is a director out there interested in a Goonies musical, though. I kid you not.

7.The Tooth Fairy. Real. Oh, how I wish I were making this one up. And, yes, The Rock, Julie Andrews, and Ashley Judd are slated to appear in it. This may turn out to be Judd’s worst acting gig since the time she had to kiss Wesley Crusher back on The Next Generation.

8. Masters of the Universe. Fake, but you have to think that, sooner or later, it’ll be coming to a theater near you. If She-Ra gets to kick copious butt, though, all is forgiven.

9. Ramona and Beezus. Real. When I was a kid I loved the Ramona books even more than I did the Chipettes. Beverly Cleary had a remarkable way of capturing exactly what it was to be like to be a child — you worry (wrongly) that your favorite teacher hates you; you make toothpaste “cakes” in the sink for the fun of it, never once thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea (until you get caught); you try to get your father to quit smoking by posting little signs everywhere that read “NOSMO- KING,” prompting him to ask who King Nosmo is. Perhaps most importantly, Cleary knew that, sometimes, childhood could really suck. Which is why I’m dubious about the movie — I can see it, all too easily, becoming a schlockfest, featuring Ramona as an adorable mischief-maker instead of the realistic, often-bratty little sister she was. I’ll reserve judgment, though, until I see the trailers.

10. The A-Team. Real. Ridley Scott’s producing this one, and supposedly the filmmakers are taking a more realistic, less slapsticky approach than did the T.V. show. They have yet to cast a Mr. T., though all kinds of rumors are circulating about minor-league rappers-turned-actors who are being considered for the job.

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