This year’s Globes, alas, brought few really bad outfits to snark on. For the most part, the “worst” gowns were just unflattering or odd in a blandish sort of way. Heck, even Cher’s outfit wasn’t that exciting. Where’s Bjork when you need her?

Worst Dressed Golden Globes ‘10

Worst Gown of the Night: Anna Paquin

This dress seems to be encrusted with barnacles. Blingy barnacles, yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that it looks like something a six-year-old-girl would make out of rhinestones and glitter. Under the spotlight, it glitzed and shone, which, coupled with the low neckline, make Paquin look a little too Vegas. (In this still picture, though, it’s not that bad, and it does fit her well. See, I told you this was a weak year for snark.)

Biggest Disappointment: (tie) Penelope Cruz and Kate Winslet

Penelope is one of the most reliable stars out there when it comes to looking fabulous on the red carpet. She rarely missteps, and even when she does, as in this odd dress that looks like it was pieced together from three different gowns, she still doesn’t miss the mark by much.

Kate Winslet, on the other hand, has the kind of classically pretty face and curvaceous figure that could make her a fashion icon. But her gown choices are very conservative. She loves the one-shoulder look, but it’s getting a little tired, especially here, in basic black.

Marion Cotillard

I can’t figure out if Cotillard’s slip is showing, or if that bit of lace-trimmed black fabric on her left leg is part of her gown. At either rate, it’s one more conflicting element in a gown that has too much going on.

Diane Kruger

Inglorious Basterds actress Kruger channels her inner Barbie in a foofy pink gown with an out-of-place white bow.

Jayma Mays

I like the bodice of this dress, which looks like something Emma Pillsbury, Mays’s character on Glee, would wear, but I think the skirt was woven by Charlotte the spider. Either that or she’s trying to hypnotize the Hollywood Foreign Press into voting for Glee — well, if so, she was successful. (Go Glee!)

Lea Michele

Lea Michele also seems to be going for Glee character correspondence: this is the kind of thing Rachel Berry would wear while channeling Maria Callas. In real life, though, it’s just an overstuffed, starchy gown that overwhelms the young actress.

Felicity Huffman

The Art Deco collar of this dress is gorgeous. Want. Unfortunately, the pleating and the low-cut opening also compete for the viewer’s attention. An element as beautiful as that collar should be allowed to stand on its own, complemented by a simple skirt and bodice.

Zoe Saldana

The raspberry color of this gown is luscious, but Saldana is overwhelmed by all those ruffles. Too many pleats and flounces threaten to take her into hoedown territory, and the frumpy, layered skirt does nothing for her long, lithe figure.

Christina Aguilera

I can’t look at this dress without thinking that Christina’s right bra cup has popped out. The wire wrapping on the bodice doesn’t work, either: she looks like a Borg ballerina.

Bonus: Christina and Cher!

Xtina and Cher bring some welcome weirdness to a night of bland gowns. Cher is channeling Morticia Addams and, actually, I think it’s kind of awesome. The look works for Cher, whereas on anybody else it would be absolutely ridiculous. It’s even better paired with Christina’s Paris Hilton-in-Ace-bandages getup.

Kristen Bell

At big awards shows, there’s always one actress who mistakes her towel or bathrobe for her gown. This year, it’s Kristen Bell, going for the toga party look in overly-pleated strapless white satin. (Her floral-design collar necklace, though, is adorable.)