The Oscars always bring out the weird in some stars: a few brave souls aim at looking distinctive but fall hilariously flat. This year, Oscar season inspired unfortunate ruffles, roses that belong at The Dinner Party, gowns made of packing material, and skirts crafted from decorative cabbage.

Worst Gown of the Night: Zoe Saldana

Saldana’s gown pairs a glitzy disco-era top with a skirt made from Muppet pelts for the most bewildering look of the night. As if to distract you from the weirdness, the skirt was slit up to there in the front, making 13-year-old geek boys wish they’d watched the Oscars and causing everyone else to hide their eyes. Saldana herself looked uncomfortable in the gown, which she kept yanking down to avoid the wrath of the FCC.

Rest of the Worst

Amanda Seyfried and Jennifer Lopez

These ladies opted for gowns apparently made out of bubble wrap. Now, if they really were bubble wrap, that would be cool, in a Duct Tape Prom sort of way, with the added bonus that the actresses could pop their gowns whenever someone’s speech went on a little too long. (“Avatar is one of the most innovative *pop*, the most brilliant *pop*, the most dramatic *pop* . . . okay, I give up, one of the highest-grossing *silence* films ever!”) But instead the dresses are just made from some unflattering bubble wrap-like material. Of the two, Seyfried’s has the nicer lines: it’s the strapless ball gown that was ubiquitous on the red carpet this year, gone DYI. Lopez’s could have used a few more shots from the staple gun. If I had been at the Oscars, I would have been tempted to step on her train, just to see if it would pop or not.

Sarah Jessica Parker

SJP continued the DYI trend with a dress constructed from a satin bedsheet and some tinfoil roses.

Charlize Theron

Charlize made sure all eyes would be on her with a gown that boasted two very strategically placed rosettes. Strangely vulvar-looking rosettes at that. Georgia O’Keeffe should sue for copyright violations.

Miley Cyrus

Cyrus, invited to the Oscars for the third year in a row for some arcane reason I fail to fathom (trying to attract the teenyboppers? Good luck with that), showed up in her granny’s beige girdle, topped with a tutu-like skirt of tulle. The bodice looked so oppressively snug that it gave me sympathy pains.

Barbra Streisand

Remember the frumpy English professor Streisand played in The Mirror Has Two Faces? This looks like something that character would have worn — to class.

Diane Kruger

Kruger’s gown looks ready to melt into a puddle of black-streaked ivory. And, no matter how slim you are, you never want to have ruffles around your midsection.

Fatima the Fortune Teller

Nicole Richie channeled her inner psychic medium in this odd, caftan-like number, paired with dreary makeup and a bun.

The Boo! Hiss! Section

Kate Winslet

Winslet seems to have put even less effort into her Oscar look than she did for her bland Golden Globes selection earlier this year. There was nothing distinctive whatsoever about her silver column dress.

Demi Moore

Meanwhile, Moore wore an inferior knockoff of an iconic Oscar gown: Penelope Cruz’s classic from 2007.