The only thing that stands between America’s men and utter effeminacy is . . . uh, shopping? So say this year’s Super Bowl ads.

For the discriminating airborne consumer, SkyMall offers ways to hem your pants with expensive Band-Aids, disinfect every surface you come across, and infiltrate the Federation!

What do Pyrex and pancake mix have to do with malt shops and homosexuals in bitchin’ 50’s cars? Answer: they’re things the media wants us to freak out about. Read on for some vintage paranoia, courtesy of Sid Davis.

Once, I helped out at a church daycare, looking after eight one- to two-year-olds while their moms were at Bible study (translation: coffee and chatting, though, after learning how active toddlers can be, I was happy to help those moms get a break). One week, a woman who usually watched over the under-ones came to assist me and the (wonderful) homeschooled teenager who was my partner-in-toddler-wrangling. And she was absolutely horrified that we did not wash all the toys and spray them down with Lysol after the kids went …

That wedding video that’s become a YouTube sensation has been spoofed by a group called NY Video Production. It features the bride and groom, along with various lawyers, secretaries, cops, and a judge, grooving their way into divorce court to the tune of — you guessed it — “Forever.” The parody’s spot-on and pretty funny. Check it out:

Adorable iconoclasts or hammy hipsters? You be the judge.

Are readers of Gabriel Garcia Marquez smarter than fans of Nicholas Sparks? If you loved Lolita, does that mean you’ve got more going on upstairs than someone whose favorite book is He’s Just Not That Into You? We book nerds want to believe the answer’s a resounding “yes” (though, if pressed, we’ll admit that one can lead a fulfilling life without being able to name five characters from Pride and Prejudice) and now, we have been vindicated. Sort of.